Day 12 - Your favorite LGTB movie (or one you’d like to see).
zOMG… I LOVE PRISCILLA, Queen of the Desert.
zOMG… I LOVE PRISCILLA, Queen of the Desert.
Coming from an Island Nation of Muslims, where the divorce rate is the highest in the world, and having a brother who has one divorce under his belt already or a father who has gone through four divorces himself, has had little effect towards my stand on marriage. I assure you.
I have never believed in the institution of marriage. It means little to me and I don’t think there is a point in it. If you loved someone and they loved you back, you’ll be together because you want to. And I don’t need a piece of paper to validate my love. Enough of this social bondage.
I believe in Free Love.
There has been recent debate in the Maldivian LGBT community about the importance of pride. There are those who think it’s hurtful and unnecessary while others think its helpful and should be encouraged.
I understand how it could be hurtful for those who are afraid to come out because of their family/friends/society or whatever have you (its often the usual suspects) and therefore unnecessary to provoke any confrontation. I will never, or will ever, tell you to do something that could potentially jeopardise their lives from your point of view.
Pride is a declaration.
Personally, I was really lucky to have met other out and proud people earlier on in my life. They really encouraged me to be myself and want to continue to be true to myself. I have never been more free.
For those of you who still in the closet, which is most, I urge you please to re-evaluate your lives and your stance in it. Ask yourselves this question. Happiness; how important is that to you? You need not be a slave to your mind.
Its absolutely vulgar forcing the LGBT to hide who really they are. Being closeted could be a mentally draining experience, but could be completely avoided if only we let each other be themselves. This life is hard enough without having pick and prod each other about their sexual preferences.
Therefore in my opinion, the closet should be for clothes and shoes! In this particular case, the bigger the better!
In the winter of 2010, after breaking up with my first boyfriend, I called my dad and cried. While still dependent on him, I decided that this was the perfect time for me to come out. During my heartbreak because I thought I could really use a father/mother figure at that moment.
I came out to my step mother in autumn 2011 and that story can be found here.
The summer of 2011/2012, after the 2011 Human Rights Day incident, my father completely disowned me.
And that is the story.
Did I ever?!
When I was 18, all my friends where Christians and with Islam so restrictive against homosexuality, I converted to Christianity. Mostly due to peer pressure but also because I really just wanted to fit in and belong. I got baptized and everything.
Aged 19, I had sex for the first time. It was with my Pastor’s son. When my Pastor found out that I had sex with his son, all hell broke loose. I was asked to repent and felt the full force of religion against me.
I had lost everything I had worked so hard to get. At the end of the day, I was alone and friendless.
I guess I found out the hard way on that it didn’t matter what religion I belonged to, because as long as I’m queer, I was not welcome.
There was also an incident when I was 22. Maldivian Islamic fundamentalist nutters used me as a political pawn against my father in their terrorist games and threatened my life.
This was a very traumatising time in my life. I had to drop out from University for about two trimesters. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or do anything I would have done otherwise. It was a year wasted from my life.
Religion is in my face 24/7 and as long as I continue to live in the Maldives, I will always face problems regarding religion.
Don’t think there was any major turmoil about my sexuality. I vaguely recall trying to not let everyone see that I was effeminate or that I was fooling around with boys. Never escalated to self-injury or suicidal thoughts up until I came out to my parents. That’s a story for another post.
More like I was outed by my now sister-in-law by accident.
At the time, I was living in the south island and I was going to visit my brother and his partner at the time in the north island. My sister-in-law had told their flatmates that I was coming for a visit. It just accidentally slipped out of her. She had told them that I was gay.
Unaware, I arrived on the north island only to be surprised to be asked about my sexuality by their flatmates. I really didn’t have much choice and I figured I might as well stop running from the truth.
In winter, 2006, I officially first come out to my brother’s flatmate, Nicolas as a homosexual man.
I don’t remember how old I was exactly… but I always knew there was something odd about me but I remember my denial stage very vividly.
In my early teens, I remember getting into lots of fist fights in High School and one or twice getting suspended from school. In the end, the bullying was so unbearable I actually quit school.
I did not want to be gay or straight or be perceived in any sexual orientation for that matter… nor did I understand why it was such a huge deal or why I had to be picked on.
It was tough, but once I got comfortable in my own skin, everything was okay.
oh gee.. let me think… how about sexual abuse with multiple abusers over time from the age of 5 to the age of 16…
I don’t think I ever thought of my experience as abuse or suffering. More or less, I accepted it as normal. I remember it being as something exciting and some times even sought it out. But of course, I could never tell anyone that I was sexually active as a child. It was tough portraying an image of innocence when you knew you weren’t any more.
I forgive my abusers and my development is not stunted because of them.. but rather… I’m comfortable in my own sexuality and I am who I am because of the experiences in my past. I wouldn’t have lived it over in any other way if given the chance.
It’s just easier to say Gay as a sexual orientation, but the truth is, I’m Queer. Simply put, I enjoy the company of any sexual being. Male, female or otherwise.
And as for my gender identity… I’m still struggling with this one.. I’m neither here nor there.